groom speeches - for real?

thanksgiving: facebook

this thanksgiving,

I'm thankful

for the REMOVE FROM NEWSFEED

feature

on

Facebook.

paddington bear vs. corduroy

but of course.

am I normal?

FOUND IT! yes...it's the video we watched in 7th grade gym class; phys ed if you will.

hilarious anonymous e-mail

"i love my diva cup. how the hell do you lose a diva cup!?!? and, more importantly, WHERE IS IT? weirdness. i feel bad for whoever finds it." --anonymous email received at 8:12 on 10/16/2010

wedding rant: what is the point?

what the $#@!?

i do not understand the American obsession with weddings and wedding planning -- and the subsequent "stress" that comes with it.

it's as if people have NO CHOICE in the matter!

"Oh my god, I am so stressed planning my _______; picking out invitations for the ________; and deciding who to invite to _________ and what to wear for ________!!!!! And how will I afford the __________!"

(fill in the blanks with engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party, wedding ceremony and reception at any given moment).

if your dream is some elaborate, expensive wedding where the centerpieces are what you've been dreaming of since you were a small child (even though let's get real, nobody is ever going to remember them!!), then shouldn't you be enjoying every moment?

and if you're not enjoying every moment, then maybe it's because spending $15,000 or more on ONE DAY OF YOUR LIFE IS RIDICULOUS AND NONSENSICAL no matter how you slice it.

i've heard people who delay things they are really passionate about or committed to so they can devote their time and energy towards....planning their own wedding? it just doesn't make sense to me.

and the money part is my favorite. justifying $5000 on a dress for your "special day" just because it's a "wedding dress" - i mean, if you really love the one you're with, then who cares what you are wearing? and who cares what the centerpieces look like? and who gives a rats ass how your invitations are going to end up? -- IT'S ALL HEADED TOWARDS THE LANDFILL ANYWAY!!!!

so....why don't people just have fun? and make their special day actually special--and designed towards their unique tastes? instead of just subscribing to what the magazines and picture books say you should be doing "365 days until your wedding"...

that's enough for now! stay tuned for more :)

when facebook's down, i'm up

rejoice rejoice for the few peaceful minutes,

when it is broken i feel like i'm in it.

heaven, that, is a place without "friends,"

no pokes, no ads, no need to note trends.

where I can breathe easy,

where the world is free,

oh facebook, when you break, peace is me.

jesus makes me pay for soymilk

Hello Sara,

Thank you for contacting Starbucks Coffee Company. I appreciate your comments regarding the pricing of soy milk at our retail locations.

Starbucks is committed to offering viable options for all of our valued customers; for this reason each of our retail locations is able to offer soy milk. Due to the higher cost of purchasing, stocking, and preparing this product, we do charge an additional fee for the substitution of soy milk.

Starbucks greatly values customer feedback, so we have shared your concerns about this decision with specialists in our Retail Operations department for their attention.

Thank you again for giving us an opportunity to address your concerns. If you have any additional questions or comments, please feel free to contact us again at info@starbucks.com or call (800) 23-LATTE to speak with a customer relations representative. I hope that you will continue to enjoy Starbucks Coffee for years to come.

Sincerely,

Jesus P.

Customer Relations

Starbucks Coffee Company

food chain 2010

papa razzi

seeing double!

tennis nose

this is real. it was found by my sister while searching for cheap tennis rackets in Miami. click to take a closer look.

bigger oil spill needed?

every day on my bike ride to work I've been asking the same question.

Are People Changing Their Ways in Light of this Oil Spill?

Is anyone feeling a little weirder every time they fill up their automobile? Or board an airplane?

Are google searches for "green energy" or "how to go car-free" increasing?

And if people are just walking around town all, "isn't this horrible!? I know! worst ever!" but not doing anything to change their most major oil-dependent habits, then WHAT WOULD IT TAKE?

Does the oil spill have to be so big that it literally impacts the every day life of EVERYONE (oil in your waterways?) for people to ACTUALLY CHANGE THEIR WAYS?

Thanks,

Bye.

dog crap and the city

you will be better off weeding your garden, cooking porridge, studying quadratic equations or plucking your toe hairs for the 2.5 hours it takes to survive this movie.

ugh.

seriously, though. ugh!
from extreme hyper-materialism (obv) to just flat out ridiculous dialogue I don't think I laughed once during this pain staking experience of a movie, but i did cringe.

save yourself!

donate the $8-$10 to save dogs or something.

eat me

Hi ____,

I noticed when I left this morning that your bike was parked in the foyer area near my front door. Would you please continue to park it in the back stairwell as we agreed? I think the compromise Phil came up with (you and Jon parking your bikes in the back stairwell on the first floor and Melanie and Phil parking theirs next to their unit) is a good one, provided that everyone adheres to it.

Thanks.

employment

buckets of illness

on facebook today:

is this a joke?

but seriously?

the Susan B. Komen website says this, "KFC and Susan G. Komen for the Cure® are teaming up this spring to raise funds and spread breast cancer awareness and educational messaging via a major national campaign which will reach thousands of communities served by nearly 5000 KFC restaurants.

Participating KFC franchise locations will be selling specially designed pink buckets of grilled and Original Recipe chicken. KFC has pledged 50 cents to Komen for every pink bucket ordered by its restaurant operators during the promotion period, with a minimum donation of $1 million and a goal to raise more than $8 million. Twenty-five percent of the funds raised will be earmarked to Komen’s 120-plus domestic Affiliates for breast cancer programs in their communities. The remainder of the funds will support Komen’s national research and community programs. "

I'm all about fighting breast cancer, but the Susan B. Komen foundation seems to be getting a little crazy with their partnerships---a little bit loosey-goosey in terms of legitimate, relevant and somewhat health-oriented partnerships. The bottom line is that eating at KFC is actually an underlying cause of obesity, heart problems, and yeah--probably breast cancer.

Komen, get a clue! I will personally be avoiding any and all activity with this charity until they get it together.

and that is just too easy to make fun of....yeah no kidding each bucket of disgusting corn-fed, hormone-induced, antibiotic-pumped "chicken" makes a difference...

click here to sign a petition against this completely ridiculous partnership

horse and carriage accident

this morning on my bike ride to work, there was a HUGE back up on 6th street.

i heard sirens.

as i wove through a mess of cars and buses, approaching Race Street the first thing I noticed was a strange and fresh pile of horse shit in the middle of the street, right in front of fire trucks, ambulances and police cars. I looked over and there was not 1 but 2 completely smushed and overturned horse carriages --one of which had flown off the road and onto the front lawn of the PCOM ( i think) building. no horses in sight, but stretchers and chaos.

i hope this will be the last horse and carriage accident in philadelphia.

i hope this tragedy leads to the end of an era of this idiotic and inappropriate tradition of bloated tourists full to the brim of disgusting cheese steaks riding around town in a horse-drawn carriage while the horses suck down bus fumes bearing the weight of these obese assholes.

rent a bike, rent a segway, use your god damn legs and let the horse and carriage business FLOP and leave this town.

idealism in 2010

you may have heard of, visited, utilized the site idealist.org in your past.

When I was laid off, I signed up to receive job updates from idealist thinking I could really get down with their mission, "Idealist is an interactive site where people and organizations can exchange resources and ideas, locate opportunities and supporters, and take steps toward building a world where all people can lead free and dignified lives"

I never changed my settings to stop receiving their updates---and I've been noticing these kinds of "opportunities" coming to my inbox lately.

In case you can't magnify, one of the listings is for

"Parking Services Manager

Philadelphia Museum of Art
http://www.idealist.org/en/job/375683-87
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, United States
Salary: "

Now that's not very ideal!

for serious consideration

good evening.

a few notes for you:

1) Joanna Newsom's most recent album is untouchable

2) It can really only be best enjoyed on a record player--go buy one

3) Listen especially closely to Good Intentions Paving Company and Baby Birch.

4) Watch your life change before your very eyes!

5) try an ice cream sandwich (vegan; the tofutti kind, although upon further inspection it has more ingredients than makes me comfortable) with a smudge of almond butter on top

6) then try a flax seed cracker with almond butter and dried cranberries on top

7) there has been a seemingly big resurgence, it seems, in very talented and enduring female solo artists. for a while i was worried my kids would be like, 'um seriously your parents had joni mitchell, and you had britney asparagus spears??' but thankfully they can be like 'wow joanna newsom and cat power and that woman from the low anthem and the list goes on' and we can sleep at night not having to worry about what our kids will think of the music of our times!

police and thieves

a quandary on my bike ride this morning.

"do police twitter and facebook and text while on duty?"

and i'm not talking about communicating relevant official information like a bank robbery tweet or a traffic closure or something on twitter:

but more like a "hey, what R U Up 2 2Nite?" text or a facebook update like, "got a case of the Mondays on duty...again! LOL"

and then if that happens, do cops have friends that post a comment like "yo man, shouldn't you be on duty patrolling people or helping old ladies cross the street or something--LOL!" and call them out on them not doing their job but in a joking kind of way?

Just curious.

emergency coupon?

while listening to dent may radio on pandora, this ad popped up.

i am trying to wrap my head around the idea of a coupon (promotional device used to encourage purchases--usually on items you'd purchase anyway; certainly items you'd plan to purchase) on an emergency contraception product..... hmmmmmmmmmmmm.

after thinking a bit, my hypothesis is that Plan B isn't actually trying to get you to redeem the coupon. they are using the idea of the coupon as a way of making the product seem as ordinary and socially acceptable as Kraft Macaroni Cheese. so they don't expect you to print it out or redeem it, but they are just trying to send the message of "this product is common--so common that we have coupons for it!" to make it more normalized among women. very crafty.

fat mints

fact: most girl scout cookies contain high fructose corn syrup!

fact: girl scout cookies are meant to teach "goal setting, money management and teamwork"

how will girls ever learn about goal setting, money management and teamwork when half the time their parents are the ones peddling them in their offices?

yuck!

I THINK NOT!